Chapter 5: Let There Be Life- a Scathing Indictment for the Leaders of the Christian Western World-

I reached a juncture while writing, Break Like Violent Fetters, where I realized I was actually writing two books. One was based in personal experience; and the other based on the philosophical, political, theological, scientific, metaphysical, and sociological reasons that saved me from suicide for being gay, and brought me to a wholeness in myself.

It is a discussion and critique why the White supposedly Christian Western World is dripping with shame and condemnation- for all people and often the Earth itself.

In order to not bore everyone to death, I’ve cut some of those chapters and will publish those in a later book (which is still so mind-boggling that is happening!) But I would be doing the reader and myself a great disservice if some of these topics weren’t explored to some degree. They form some of the central themes to this book, to my view of life, of a better hope for humanity. When we discover the ways we have been systematically brainwashed by society- we can begin the healing process and developing positive thinking.

The National Gallery, London, UK- October 2017

When did we stop believing in the abundant well-being of Life? The Western mindset has this whole falsified ideology of dualistic lack and fullness. It sees life in Zoroastrian/Abrahamic opposition of “for” and “against” instead of a unified progression of continuous creation.

We’ve studied and dissected life apart and classified all pieces, and study the pieces from afar with disconnected classroom rhetoric. We’ve boxed life into utilitarian aspects that are so antithetical to the true nature of life. The splitting of the nearly invisible atom only speaks to the beauty and power that is within all Life.

The splitting of an atom is so destructive in the totality of its power because it defies the very laws of what the Universe is. All things are continually moving forward in the expansion of life even in the death process.

Casa Azul- (Frida Kahlo’s home) Mexico- May 2018

The reason why there is so often a schism between science and religion is because one is continuing to evolve as it gains new information- and to be fair science has its biases and flaws as well. So often religion views the perceived new information through the sand worn lens of divinely inspired thought struck down millennia ago.

The thing is God/infinite consciousness/the Universe has never stopped speaking. There will be no ‘second coming of God’ because “god” or this grand “higherness” has been here all along. The many second thousand comings of human beings are the ones who forget that part.

Somehow Western society is always at odds with the truths cobbled down in a desert by wandering tribes still fighting over a strip of holy land. Is it any wonder we kill each other in the name of God and loathe ourselves by guilting our way to the altar- be it a church, a bar, a gym, a razor blade?

Rob and I, Mexico City, May 2017

Little by little we are molded, chastised, detentioned into, grounded into, preached into, raised into, conditioned into being a human. The whole of humanity is cattle prodded into subservient, obedient conformity, and told not to enjoy the very pleasures of this earth that are here for us to enjoy.

Because if we do too much enjoying, or drinking, or fornicating, or eating, or dancing, if we enjoy life a little differently than our parents, or forbears, or neighbors, or friends- there is eternal damnation and torment and utter separateness from God. What it really is though is that humans are prodded and lawed into obedience to make other people happy. The human condition must be the most conditional of all life forms on this planet.

Pink Sky, Mazatlan, Mexico- May 2018

There is a reason that all great revealed religions of the Earth hold basically the same fundamental elements. There is a reason Jesus, Buddha, Socrates and a good deal of other enlightened beings did not write down their teachings.

These beings were at the forefront of expanded consciousness in their particular space and time at that moment. They came to express truth that is so eternal and so powerful that the current world, for better or worse, is based upon much of what they said and are told they have done.

The enlightened beings most likely realized that if they wrote down these truths that they would be codified and regulated, and whitewashed by councils and tribunals, translated and transliterated through myriads of languages- both living and dead, sifted through contemporaneous cultural mores, guided and funded by political machinations, dragged into endless wars that have killed millions of people on this planet. All of these things came to pass any way. They’re still passing now.

The enlightened masters probably knew that if they wrote down all the beauty of their messages of oneness and love and exhortation of the divine worthy nature that is the whole of the Universe and all that is within it that the message would be wrung out, bled dry, and pinched into the careful strangled grape drippings that are the “great” religions of the world. Jesus was crucified for his message. Socrates drank hemlock before he was sentenced to die. MLK was shot dead for pursuing the inherent right just to exist. We always kill our saviors and then worship them after they’re gone.

Dynjandi Waterfalls, Iceland- September 2017
Dublin Castle, Dublin Ireland, September 2017

Why does Good always eventually win out? It’s because Good is inherent to our cores! Goodness is inherent to the core of all creation. It is written within all known biological code to expand and come together. If it were otherwise then the lack- the separation of life would not feel so brutal and unfair.

The meiosis of a cell, the pairing of sperm and egg, create multiplicities at an exponential rate that cannot truly be grasped or appreciated by a human mind. We are able to take that grandeur or brilliance for granted because we don’t really grasp how amazing this truly is.

That the splitting apart of the tiniest of particles can destroy all life must speak to the primordial and inherent power of life itself.

In Newtonian physics it is said, “all action has an equal, and opposite, reaction.” But that the tearing of an atom could possibly tear asunder all of known reality must also mean that it could put it back together as well. It also means that we don’t know shit about the true nature and reality of the Universe. We don’t understand what dark matter really is, and it supposedly makes up 94% of the known Universe! Humans don’t need a god to send them to hell- when we are already so talented at doing it ourselves.

The discovery of dark matter is akin to the discovery of gravitational rotation in the Middle Ages. The real paradox is that somehow humanity boxes itself and reality on its own limited terms. If God actually existed in the lore and fear that has been perpetuated through the Western patriarchal religions- we would have been wiped away in some catastrophe.

It is not life that is the real miracle.

The true miracle is that life is so verdantly beautiful and abundant that we are able to wage war and condemn each other.

To focus on our separateness is the true distraction to our species’ apex potential. And it’s nothing new. We take for granted the tenacity and faith of our forebears because even with all of their faults and virtues- we are here now because of them.

Aztec in Ceremonial Dress, Mexico City- May 2018

Pyramid of The Moon, Teotihuacan, Mexico 05/18

The trash bag of reality TV, pop plasticity of our stomachs, and proliferation of lack-based political and economic agendas could only be borne out of the illusion and manipulation of perceived human powerlessness. You really think voting for a rich white Republican man in a slick-suit and even slicker tongue actually gives a shit about the poor, the marginalized or minority people groups, the gays, immigrants, women, children of color? You only have to look to their policies to see where their true motivations lie.

Be ye not deceived any longer!! If you call yourself a Christian and you turn a blind-eye to the people they claim to serve- then you are just as guilty as the suits in congress, mother fucker.

The need to satiate our ego finds root in the fearful reptilian corners of our human minds. Our egos are not our friends. It is the ego that fools us into daily submission to self-defeating disempowering thoughts and desires. The ego is learned behavioral and thought patterns.

It is the egoic part of our psyches which hammer our addictions. It sends us outwardly looking for fulfillment and then berates the inner being for not attaining x,y,z. The egoic life is short, brutish (British), and cruel. It is in that context life does become a Dickensian nightmare.

Brain Drain, Shoreditch, London- October 2017

I have learned to die to my ego every day. To use other terms- I release the negative thought patterns constituted in my personality and thinking and try to take in only what best serves the Inner sanctuary of true Self.

The illusory exclusivity of abundance and well-being is the highest execution of deception that has ever been propagated by humans to one another. That the veil is so transparent- is realized once one has stood in full confidence of pulling back the veil for themselves.

All this business of control and manipulation is based on false generational and unilateral indoctrination of one another. We are as complicit in our servitude as we are to our own freedom.

Truth has never been one to simmer silently. Cages, shackles, death camps, crosses, hemlock, and bullets will never be able to silence the heartbeat of existence.

With Brad at Open air market, London, UK- 10/17
Hands Up, Don’t Shoot Me- Shoreditch, UK- 10/17

Those that seek unity and live a life of compassion are the real ass ride or dies of The Universe. A house divided can stand if it is built upon a strong foundation. And if the foundation falters it’s our turn to build a better one instead.

In trying to understand our otherness our true inner self we are often looking at our inner core from a place of lacking. From a place of primeval ineptitude.

Perhaps that’s one reason we are told that gays seek their same sex relationships because we did not receive the appropriate amount of healthy love from our same sex parents or too much of it from the opposite sex parent.

Bitch, if that were the case we would all be fucking homosexuals-

and I can guarantee you that none of y’all would get laid.

We are sometimes told that there is a deep brokenness within humanity. There are various reasons given to account for it and a myriad of responses in refutation of this belief. If there be a brokenness it is not due to a primeval sin. It’s not about someone’s in-born ethnicity. It’s not about religion. It’s not about who someone loves. It’s not about money. It’s not about geographical, time, or educational differences.

These are variables we use to define ourselves and our values and our identities. To separate ourselves from each other. And from the Earth or from the possible higher planes of our present realities.

Stew of Racial Tensions- Shoreditch, UK, 10/17

It doesn’t immediately start from a place of hatred- though the individuation and categorizing of objects or people or galaxies or plants can lead to that.

For the most part this idea of separation of one thing from another is so we can make sense of our lives. There are so many unanswered questions that can never be fully grasped. And also so many quantifiable answers that sometimes seem at odds with our day to day movements and hoped upon eternities.

But every tangible object and being and planet have been forged from the same elements that burst into the physical universe. Sagan said we are made of stardust. And sometimes the skeptic in me wants to think that this statement was made as a romantic gesture on behalf of a brilliant physicist. It comes from the same place inside of me that rejected all notions of divinity because of a particular worldview and religion I had been born into and wholeheartedly believed.

Giant in the City, San Francisco, California- 06/2017

Cry of Generations-

God hides himself

as a hideous crone.

Rends himself unrecognizable;

Grotesque forms

and monsters;

mice and men.

To see beauty in one

and not another

is human.

We err only when

confined in stony

stonewalled hearts,

we stay.

My hands have hurled large stones

They fall back and broke me open.

Like precious wine flowing outward

onto concrete cinderblock.

The behemoth is never brought down.

The broken aches inside of me.

America,

you have broken me.

What’s left to offer you?

You devoured me whole.

The walls upon us tumble,

Like Babel.

And God did not smote down

our towers.

Humans bear witness

to what they do

themselves.

Out of many we are one.

It echoes through every creature

in the Universe.

We are weakling gazers

who cannot see it for ourselves.

I weep for my generation.

I weep for my generation.

I weep,

for my generation.

* * * * * * *

Our parents have forgotten us

to follow their old ways.

The show is for themselves.

An unintentional refrain.

Those not changing

are dying

any plant will gladly show you.

The thrashers separate chaff

from vine.

Stalks and reigns are

always ending.

Your time, is ending too.

What will be said about those,

now gone,

by those they’ve

left behind?

Either words of shame,

or hope,

or blame.

Ranger Roams the Valley- Colorado- 08/2017
Triumph of a Heart- Iceland, September 2017
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