In the Beginning

How does one go about telling the story of their life? Much like the way that we enter this world. Plunged right in and embroiled. Headfirst. Breeched. Plucked unaware and unknowing. From the day you rupture a thin membrane until one’s return through a mortal coil. Life is always hanging in the balance. Humans are endowed with awareness of this precarious position. We reap the consequences should one intervene, or not, on behalf of another. There’s always weight and guilt shifting upon those same shoulders. Secret wounds we all share, yet stay silent about. My words are not here for vanity, or to gain admiration, or to foment jealousy. They are words of hope.

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How to convey the poignancy of a moment spent in London, with close friends, from different places; and all come together in one moment? It is because of serendipity and coincidence that began to make me suspect something greater may be at work here. All of these chance gatherings are more than statistical anomalies. These odds would have to win out eventually just based upon laws of science and maths that I don’t know the names for.

For this to be true, the inverse must also be. The bell tolls for us all. Eliciting panic, despair, joy, relief, or silence. A bell can signal a warning or echo a living sentiment across wedding days and wakes. But life doesn’t come to you in easily recognizable chunks of designated time. The most significant moments of life-altering decisions occurred while I was alone and contemplating all of existence, the pit-falls, and stairways to heaven. Deciding upon whether I should continue my own.

Mazatlan, Mexico; May 2018

To be or not to be- a premise stacked upon a precipice. Universal in its questioning. Its asker- genuine in tone, and unaware of its privileged position. For the asker, in this case Hamlet, is grieving the death of his father which has caused him mortal anguish. A common and understandable lament. One that many of us have cried out with a tragic loss of person.

There are other cries of lament that happen unknown and unseen every moment and day. How does one tell the story of those moments when they feel a lifetime ago? The sensitive child holding onto the weight of a savior that couldn’t turn him heterosexual. A personhood unrecognized- save for similar physical features and penchant for particular physical desires. And an uncanny ability to keep student loan creditors and calories closer than friends.

Iceland; September 2017.

Life is more than a series of experiences woven around a common thread. I am not just the sum of things that happened to me, alone. Thoughts have a way to burn for generations throughout civilizations. Thought is the one space alone that hasn’t been completely thrown into upheaval and brought into submission. The greatest tyrannies are brought down by the smallest of hopes. Sometimes found in mangers or even Madison Avenue. The edifice of established religion and societal norms come crumbling down the spindly legs upholding it all. Though, not often all at once.

The tide of human development and expansion is turning, as it has since time began. Since before and after man’s attempts to subdue and declaw the material world around him. I do not wish to subdue. I wish to enlighten. To elucidate the primal goodness at work within our bodies and minds. I add my voice to the chorus of thoughts wrecking the altar of human chains and misery. This is not the first time nor last that words like these have been spoken. They are words to break open our selves. Walls have been brought down by whispers. Add this murmur to the infantry.

Colorado, August 2017.

Words flung like bricks breaking against the establishment within and outside of me. They build a fortress to protect and give room to growth- for whom ever needs them now. There is importance in the telling of our stories. Even if it is simply for one’s own empowerment. That we live on. That we were here. That’s what this book is about.

The vulnerability is crucial to the message. That You don’t have to die because you’re different. That marginalization is not your destiny. That diversity is the true foundation of this planet. That we are all fractals of the collective human whole. That all of everything in existence is a fractal manifesting itself in eternally varied physical and dimensional forms.

That the Earth’s inherent nature is to ingeniously pour life out through all the diversities of physical, living, and organic things. The Earth will grow any very endless of things in its excitement to spread the love of life itself on the planet. It’s an unconscious altruism piped through the process of evolution.

Colorado; August 2017 with Ranger.

We are more adept at meeting our needs than ever before, because of all who came before us. It is a strengthening of the whole. And sometimes the abundance must quell to make way with something new. That this is almost always true, is reflected even in the cellular chemical makeup of our bodies. Our cells are constantly replenishing themselves several times each day. It is because of abundance humanity continues to grow stronger and healthier in a collective whole.

Our survival on the Earth must be in cohesion to our Earth and not the other way around. Remember, We are just imposters on this planet. Earth delights in the human species because we are a wellspring of something the Earth needed- beings with the ability to focus consciousness and create action from intentional thought. Planets have their own sorts of scorch and burn policy to cull unwanted civilizations and species. We are the personified heart of the Earth. But whose to say our time as that will last forever? We bring the collective consciousness with us. It’s in our cells. The building blocks for the old creations are within each one of us too.

Iceland; with Lauren- September 2017

This is not a collection of stories spoken into the Void. The hanging guilt must be pushed out to see. The ones who need to find this truth will seek it out. It’s a truth that was always coming towards me- even when I could not see its form. That we are good and worthy beings here for expansion. I hope this gives you strength and confidence to pursue the truest life you can live. We find ourselves with the wreckage. I find the wrecking spots scattered through out my life. Pinpoints on a map. Therapy of the soul. This tale is interwoven into something different and unique for each listener. Break the walls inside you and you won’t need to build again.

There’s always more to come. There’s always another way. ❤️

San Marcos, Texas; December 2017 with Ranger.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Equipping says:

    Thanks for following my blog; you are very kind.

    Liked by 1 person

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